drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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