i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
