lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
