All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
