I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
