I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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