so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
