I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize