yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
