i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
