That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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