Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
