there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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