I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
