I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
