I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize