my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
