If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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