I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
