I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
