Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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