After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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