What a fucking waste of an outfit
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
