; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
