Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
