if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
