He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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