Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
