When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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