They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
