it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize