my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
