So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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