Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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