I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
