You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
did you just send me my own nude
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
