Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
