so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
