Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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