By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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