it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
