she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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