HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are all done wearing pants today
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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