Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
