I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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