I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
