All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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