Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
