Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize