I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
