Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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