I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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