I just saw a hot homeless man
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my being single is dangerous.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize