i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
