So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
