He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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