When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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