Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
