Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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