I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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