Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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