My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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