I'm gonna have a badass scar
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
