I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
