I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
