I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
