I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
